the long search

When you have nowhere to go, go back to yourself.

Of Today

Sometimes when you think you can get a hang of it, life quickly effaces all such notions. You feel so naive and ignorant then. I will remember August 17, 2008 for this reason.

I met DK today. He is fighting cancer. It's a battle he is unlikely to win.

I have known DK for quite some years, the acquaintance purely professional. Dark-complexioned and medium in build, you can dismiss everything about him. Not his eyes. They come across as that of a man who is game for every fight in life. A banker, he has been punished for standing up against the management for causes he believed in. He never gave up. DK went through tragic times when a son ended his life. Another one is fighting brain tumour for a second time. Nothing could dampen DK's spirit though. No tragedy, as if, could take him down.

I sat by his side in the hospital room. He looked a skeletal self of his own. DK was eager to go home, still unaware of the truth. Would he be shattered to know it? I had no clue.

How meaningless does everything seem when you know it will not last; that the race will meet a dead end someday. But we tend to ignore it because we are afraid. We are afraid because of the way we live, conduct ourselves and perceive life through our own microscopes. Instead of looking within, most of the times, we try to cover ourselves with more of ourselves. That's when the misgivings raise their ugly heads and weave a vicious circle we can never rid ourselves of.

I believe life is all about how you play it. Play it fair and you will have no regret at all because you may just not get enough time. You might just lose it - we all will - but you will have at least played it fair, stood up for what you truly believed in, damn it.

That's why I liked DK. And I will remember this day because it told me - in Andre Gide's words - Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself, and thus make yourself indispensable.

By the way, I was born today. On August 17.


namita panda 25 August 2008 at 18:08  

belated happy bday:)

Diana 7 September 2008 at 23:54  

I have to confess something.

I sometimes am a very selfish person when it comes to life in general.

But I have never belittled anyone just to prove myself right or put myself on the top.

When I compare myself with people like DK, I feel like being such a dwarf. In fact, I am. Life has given me innumerable chances to take stands (for me...for people around me) but I could never gather courage to stand by what I felt was RIGHT.

Am just going with the flow....whereever life takes me.

Tute khuwabon ko pairon tale rondhte chale jaa rahe hain

Khud hi aapne kadmo ke nishan saajate ja rahe hain

Ab kya kare ki umeed ki is kali raat ke baad ujala ho

Channd khushiyo ke sahare kafan aapna banate ja rahe hain.

Talking To My Soul 8 September 2008 at 14:58  

There is nothing wrong with going with the flow. Yes, you sound broken at the moment but don't we all go through such phases? Hang on a little longer and you might just enjoy it.

About this blog

If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed